It’s raining and i’m on my covered porch wrapped in a blanket my auntie made me as a wedding gift. I’m drinking red wine and trying to absorb the beauty that the rained on lilacs are emitting. My second opinion is in the morning, it took nearly a month to get this appointment and i plan to take cupcakes as a thank you for the very popular doctor who accepted my case. Tomorrow we will have a plan, or the correct information to formulate a plan. This rainy evening is the last without direction. At least that’s my hope.
I wake up at six even though the appointment isn’t till eleven. There’s no coffee, so we will have to go out. It smells like zesty orange and vanilla miniature cupcakes in my house. An alarm goes off on my phone, my groom asks if i’m ready for the appointment that is an hour from now. Ready as I’ll ever be. How does one ready oneself?
Still raining. Now drinking sparkling wine. its 5:30 and we have a plan. Its surgery, probably in August. I have 15 non life threatening growths on my uterus, which is as big as 20 weeks pregnant. The largest is bigger than a grapefruit, but i like grapefruits, so i’m going to say its as big as 2 VHS tapes stacked together, because who cares about VHS tapes. Today I don’t mind the rain.
I’ve spent a fair amount of time deciding what to do with these things. I’ve had the fibroids for 3 years so i know them well. What I didn’t know is that I can’t use my uterus for growing humans until i take the fibriods out, at least not safely. I tried acupuncture and essential oils and nutrition and supplements, but still they thrive. I have been mad, sad, indifferent, and now i’m experiencing acceptance. I have decided i will have to get a little tougher, be a little stronger, and face them with a little more gusto.
I’m still afraid of being cut wide open. Of complications during surgery that might result in hysterectomy. Of the things coming back before i can get a kid to grow in there. I have really spectacular people in my world who are encouraging me and believing in me and being patient with my soggy mood. My groom is beside me, he reminds me that although God may not rescue us from circumstances that cause suffering- He gives us occasion for festivity and the opportunity to flourish during hard times. And so we raise a glass of bubbles, and say “here’s to whatever comes” and drink L’Chaim.